does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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