Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
