Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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