You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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