he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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