i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
