Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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