dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
