...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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