That's intense
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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