you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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