I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
