epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
