Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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