that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
