she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
