I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
