I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
