Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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