we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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