this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
