Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
