You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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