Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
