Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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