i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
