I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize