Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
