True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
