trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
