"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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