I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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