he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
