I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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