1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
