I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
