Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
