she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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