when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Your penis caused this!
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