I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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