I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You are a genius and a whore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
