I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
