the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
