I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
