her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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