That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
