sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
