i think my tv is drunk
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize