okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize