Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
