I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
