We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
