hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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