I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize