ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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