I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
