I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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