some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize