I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
