this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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