hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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