One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Couch. On fire.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
