P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Never underestimate the power of titties
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