we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we made out on top of his cat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
