living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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