I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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