if i died would you start the facebook group?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
