Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize