I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
