mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
