We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
