If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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