his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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