Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
