Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
